Conversation guide

For when you get an alert, or a note from someone in your circle. This is a conversation starter, not therapy.

988: call or text if someone may be in danger or is talking about not wanting to be here. If they're in danger right now, call 911.
1-800-GAMBLER: call or text for gambling help, free and confidential, 24/7. It talks to family and friends too.
findtreatment.gov for professional help.

If you're asked to call them now

Call first. When a note sounds like they may not be safe, Winner's Win asks you to call them now. The alert won't include what they wrote. Hearing your voice matters more than having the right words.
Ask directly and listen. "Are you safe right now?" is okay to ask. You don't need to fix anything.
Bring in 988. If you're worried about their safety, call or text 988 together, or for yourself to get advice. If they're in danger right now, call 911.

If you got a "protection was turned off" alert

It may be nothing. A phone update, reinstalling the app, or a setting tapped by mistake can all switch blocking off. It may also be a hard moment. You don't need to know which before you reach out.
One calm text is enough. "Got the alert. Everything ok?" Then give them space to answer.
Check your circle page. It shows whether protection is on right now. There's no separate message when it comes back on, so look there, or just ask.
A Mac alert can arrive late. Some Macs report a switch-off once blocking is back on, with the time it went off ("Protection was OFF on their Mac from 3:10 PM ET."). It may already be fixed. The same calm text works.
If they say their Mac shows "Blocking is paused", it means their subscription ended, not that they switched it off. Helpers never pay.

Before you say anything

Curiosity beats confrontation. "What happened?" lands very differently than "Why would you do this?" Same question, opposite effect.
You're not the police. Your job isn't to catch them, it's to be someone they can actually tell the truth to.
How you react now shapes whether they tell you next time. Telling you is the hard part, and the part worth protecting.
It's okay to feel frustrated. "I'm worried and this scares me" invites them in. "I can't believe you did this again" invites them to shut down.

Good openers

"Hey, I got the alert. How are you doing right now?"
"No judgment, just want to understand what happened today."
"What was going on for you today?"
"Do you want to talk about it, or do you just need me to know?"
"What would actually help right now?"

Common things people say

What they might say	A response that keeps the door open
"It was just a small bet, it's not a big deal."	"I hear that it felt small. What made you want to place it in the first place?"
"I was just checking the odds, I didn't actually bet."	"That makes sense. I know that stuff still pulls at you. How'd it feel being back on the site?"
"I already lost money, I just need to win it back."	"I get why that feels true, but that's the exact trap that got us here. What's actually going on today?"
"I can handle it, I'm not like those people who lose everything."	"I'm not trying to label you. I just care what happens to you. That's why this exists."
"You're being paranoid / this app is overkill."	"I get it's a lot. It's also what we agreed on together when things were clear-headed. I'm not going anywhere."
"I'm fine, I don't want to talk about it."	"Okay. I'm here when you do. Can I check in with you tomorrow?"
"Everyone gambles, this isn't even a real problem."	"Maybe so for some people. For you, we already agreed it wasn't working."
"I'll stop this time for real."	"I believe you mean that. What's actually different this time that'll make it stick?"

When to bring up outside help

They've mentioned this isn't the first time recently.
Money that affects rent, bills, or family isn't just "a bet."
They sound hopeless, not just frustrated.
You're finding this hard to carry alone. Gam-Anon exists for exactly this, and 1-800-GAMBLER talks to family too.

"I think this might be bigger than something the two of us can handle by texting. Can we look at findtreatment.gov together, or call 1-800-GAMBLER?" is enough.

What tends to make things worse

Ultimatums delivered in the heat of the moment. They rarely get followed through on and teach them to hide the next slip.
Interrogating every detail before they've had a chance to just say what's going on.
Bringing up unrelated past mistakes in the same conversation.
Making it about how it affects you before checking in on them first.

Questions about the app, alerts or your circle page: Support. Terms · Privacy